Mostly Kinda Nigerian

Mostly Kinda Nigerian

A CYCLE OF DATING FATIGUE

A CYCLE OF DATING FATIGUE

I’ve been thinking a lot about Dating lately and frankly not such good thoughts. Every time I get out of this process, I leave drained, drained out of my patience, my tolerance, and my hope. Hope to find someone that truly sees me, which is ironic because I mostly know that expectation is particularly whimsical but I like whimsical. I need time away from the complication of it all and certainly not looking forward to going through some of these processes again.

Talking/ Dating: My generation has a knack for creating subcategories to already complicated categories, so bear with me while I jump in and out of using the terms dating or talking, or talking then dating, whichever you fancy. Now I’m not disputing the importance of at least one of these; talking/dating, after all, getting to know a person is an essential part of liking them. The problem is these processes have become more than just tools to determine compatibility, it’s become a tool for delay, exploitation, ambiguity and just however else it can be bastardized, depending on who is wielding. The other problem is the expectations required of talking or dating.  Where are the boundaries of getting to know someone? Should there be boundaries? Do we talk every day? Text? Interview style questions, Remembering the answers, Buying gifts, Sex? No? No Sex, oh okay just asking cause that’s also part of getting to know. The subjectivity and flexibility of this category come with its own drain.

Situationships: My generation has a knack for creating subcategories to already complica… Ohhh sorry, I already said that? I apologize. If you’ve lived under a rock and don’t know what this category is, hmnnn…. Think of relationship limbo; no expectations while taking up relationshipesque roles in a person’s life. The fear of suddenly finding myself in this place with someone should be the beginning of Wisdom. Wisdom is knowing someone is wasting your time and running, but I am a child of my generation, and we like to throw around fancy cliche’s devoid of reality; Communication is key… Don’t judge a book by its cover… oh fuck that. You communicate how you feel to a person and they respond by telling you exactly what you want to hear while doing the complete opposite, they love you but their actions explain in detail they hardly like you; mind fuck. People don’t realize how very easy it is to get oneself in this limbo, and the people who do know are aware of the work it takes to tether between Don’t Judge a book by its cover and communicating their way the fuck out of it.

Everyone Good is not Good for you: There are many fishes in the river, yes, but finding your fish is the work. There are so many despicable people and since I’m a straight woman, despicable men, so when you find a decent one it’s very tempting to hold on tight. I have seen so many people settle for someone, anyone who is okay, not okay for them but okay. Settling is not bad, settling works sometimes and gambling on accepting a decent person or letting go to find ‘your’ decent person is very risky.  This Risk is considered unrealistic by some people, but it’s one I’m willing to take, with the possibility of ending up alone. Now you’d think that’s enough risk for me, but no. Do you understand the anxiety of having to explain the ‘why’ to a decent person without going to the, it’s me not you route, either by saying it or by the action of sabotaging the dating experience so they can leave at their own peril?

The Cycle of Vulnerability for Choice:  This is a difficult one. Knowing when to be vulnerable and when the right time is to be, is tricky. It becomes even more tricky when you have to do this with multiple people in your lifetime all for the process of selecting. They say you can’t protect yourself from hurt by not being vulnerable, but I doubt it. However, to be vulnerable is to allow a potential partner understand you for who you are and that part of yourself will always be with that person. Proceed with caution.

I do need a break.